Monday, August 18, 2003
A nice post on a subject that I've just never understood.
"In my opinion, a woman who "catches" her man looking at another woman and scolds him like a delinquent child is teaching him several things: What's the big deal? Cheating is absolutely unforgiveable, but looking isn't cheating. I've never understood why some women have such a hissy about looking or Playboy or even nudie bars. As this woman says, I'm heterosexual but I appreciate beauty. I'm also always intrigued by trying to figure out if big boobs are natural or implants.
1. That she feels she has a right to not only dictate what his behavior should or shouldn't be, but also to pass judgment on it, regardless of his intent. I don't know about anybody else but I find it extremely difficult to feel loving and trusting toward anybody who tries to control me or acts judgmental about me, period.
2. That appreciation for the female body is not something he should express. And then she wonders why he doesn't compliment her more often, or why his eyes don't light up when he sees her like they used to when they were dating? Moron.
3. That she feels threatened by him looking at other women. Which, to me, would indicate that she is lacking in both trust and confidence in herself, him, their relationship, or possibly all three. And if she has doubts about any of these, then wouldn't he start to think maybe he should have doubts too?
4. That she sees no difference between looking and touching, and wanting and taking, and noticing and comparing. This one seriously disturbs me. Because if two people are in a relationship and they haven't clearly identified the vast differences there can be in personal definitions about these things, then it doesn't matter if they're married or sleeping together or in love or whatever - they are still strangers to each other in all the ways important. And if that's the case, her problems are a lot bigger than just another woman's breasts."
Certainly some magzines or movies are degrading. I don't understand the appeal of those at all. But some are just fun, (Orgazmo comes to mind.) Certainly there are plenty that are healthy and entertaining.
I've heard some women use the old "If a man looks at a woman lustfully he has committed adultery in his heart," line but I have to agree with Bekki on that score. If you tell people that thinking is as bad as doing, what on earth will stop them from the doing if they're going to be punished anyway?
Girls just don't make sense sometimes.
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So we got married. It was stressful but fun and it's done now. It was around 100 degrees in Vegas. There was a lot of gambling and many drunk people. Lots and lots of really fabulous food and wine. Pretty flowers. A massage. Champagne delivered to our room. Horrifically unpleasant air travel. A thunderstorm in the desert. The coolest pool ever, complete with lazy river. Returning with almost as much money as we left with. And 2 rings.
Ed, who was kind enough to cat-sit for us, also cleaned our whole house while we were gone. Best surprise ever.
You should all have your invites to the reception. If you don't, call us.
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