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"Chuck Norris doesn't read books; he stares them down until he gets the information he wants out of them."
- ChuckNorrisFactsdotcom

Monday, October 16, 2006
Ok, clearly some of y'all require further elaboration:

It's ALL Satire.
Us and the mirror image Other.
40 days and 40 nights
40 days in the desert
desert sages and mountain men
meditation and divine-ecstasy
vision questing fasting & sleep-deprivation
oracles breathing geologic gasses & crack fumes
freedom on the frontier/fringes
old-soldiers & The 300
bearded hermits & wild-men
kung-fu masters & secret ninjas
Jews, Witches, Wizards, Fags, Geniuses, Coons & 800-pound Gorillas
Neanderthals, Walking Naked Apes,
Men & Pigs, & Barrels o' Monkeys
Aryans and Africans
Frankenstein and Eve
Left-handed Sinister
Redheaded bastards
Logic and abstract language
Spies & hackers
theoretical physicists
enlightened teachers and knowledge-seekers
bohemian free-spirits
"Through the Looking Glass"
Neo "the One"
dirty pinko pot-smokin' free-lovin' bra-burnin' hippies
Gen X
Lazy, cynical, apathetic, hackers, punks, Goths, drop-outs & stoners

Age 25 "wisdom teeth" 'quarter-life-crisis' 'existential-depression'
"Frodo Lives!"
"Bob Dylan and Dylan Thomas" "Do not go gentle..."

I am Woman
We shall Overcome

Johnny Cash & Jimmi Hendrix v Eminem

Independent Women
Can't Hold Us Down

Lose Yourself

Up in Here
X Gonna give it to Ya
Who We Be

Sing for the Moment
White America
Kill You
The Way I Am

Forgot about Dre

The Internet is for Porn

Blame Canada!

My Mom can't control me! Just ax her!

I know Kung Fu!
Now you've pissed me off!
May bad philosophy undermine your entire system!
The dust-bin of History
[do not fuck with the newly enlightened, for they can apply that theory better than you, they grew up learning old theory as dogma, and they shall hack your database]

See also- Ben Stein says: 'Hey this 'rap' stuff is pretty cool."

South Park versus Scientology & Tom Cruise.
South Park versus Mohammed Cartoons.
WTF is WRONG with you people?!?
South Park v Mel Gibson
South Park v Paternalism
South Park v Rand

Rosa Parks v Outkast

Killing me Softly
How Many Mics
Ready or Not

FanWanking but still funny.

posted by Rachel 10/16/2006
. . .
From Wikipedia:
Satire is a method of ridicule that leaves both its victim and the witnesses the option of denying that an "attack" has even taken place. Satire needs to be distinguished from comedy, which openly makes fun of something or someone. Comedy may be biting or mild, but it is more obvious. If it does not make people laugh, it is considered unsuccessful. Satire, on the other hand, does not always or necessarily produce laughter. It initially causes bewilderment. The reader may not immediately be able to tell where the satirist stands. If the satire is of the highest order, the audience will never know where the author stands. This is by design, because the primary purpose of satire is to make people think. Often it does this through shock value, where human norms and expectations are grotesquely inverted.

The method of the satirist is to pretend to approve of the practices, people, and ideas that he intends to ridicule, or debunk. The satirist sidles up to his enemy with a friendly smile, and then slips a knife in his ribs so sharp that his victim (who is never as clever as his attacker) cannot tell where, or even IF he has been stabbed.

This means that great satire is nearly always misunderstood, even by the people being needled/knifed. Above all, satire is ambiguous, equivocal. The first effect of a satiric work (unless it has been properly labelled for consumers)is strangeness. The earliest satiric literature in Western tradition is probably Homer, whose Iliad satirizes murder, rape and pillage (as an all-too-common way of life in the ancient world) by depicting the men who attack Troy as drunken buffons who are too busy swilling wine and fighting each other to mount an effective attack on their "enemy". One of the early scenes (Chapter 4:150-250)) pictures Menelaus (the organizer of the war)suffering an arrow piercing of his elaborate loin protectors. His own medic sucks on his gushing wound while a ring of warlords looks on in the amphtheatre. Homer does not specify exactly where the arrow hit when it penetrated the loinguards, he says only that it scratched the "akrotaton" or "most prominent part" of the flesh. Homer leaves the reader the option of not-seeing, and tradition is conflicted: Are Homer's warriors a pack of clowns or are they models of the ancient "warrior ethos"?

Centuries after Homer,in the fifth century BCE, emerged the so-called "tragedians" whose satiric plays make fun of human foolishness. The plays of both Sophocles and Euripides have normative "strangeness." (The plays of Aristophanes, on the otherhand, are not satiric, but obviously and frankly comical. The objects of his derision are clear.)

"Tragedy" is an ancient Greek word that means literally "ode (song or poem) to a goat". Watching a tragic play was, for ancient Greeks, not an occassion for bringing out the kleenex. On the contrary, it was an occassion to cheer the downfall of a man who deserved to fall from his seat of power. Oedipus the Tyrant is famous for killing his father (and several other members of the royal entourage) and having sex with his mother. He is the original example of what we today call a "motherfucker". Sophocles pretends to admire Oedipus for his relentless "pursuit of truth," but the devil is in the details. Oedipus pursued the truth like tyrants are wont to do, by threats and torture. Sophocles leaves the final conclusion for his audience to draw."
See: Dennis Miller & "eschew obfuscation" as the insta-shut-up button when confronted with snobbish snot-nosed intellectuals.

posted by Rachel 10/16/2006
. . .
"When people say things are a lot more complicated than that, they mean they're worried that they won't like the truth." -Terry Pratchett

"Let him be whoever he thinks he is. That's all anyone can hope for in this world."

"The trouble is that things never get any better. They just stay the same, only more so."

"You can't go around building a better world for people. Only people can build a better world for people. Otherwise it's just a cage."

"Guilt is the grease in which the wheels of authority turn."

"I used to think that I was stupid and then I met philosophers."

"Just because someone's a member of an ethnic minority doesn't mean they're not a nasty small-minded jerk."

"There are hardly any excesses of the most crazed psychopath that cannot easily be duplicated by a normal kindly family man, who just comes in to work everyday and has a job to do."

"Real stupidity beats Artificial Intelligence every time."

"The truth may be out there but lies are inside your head."

"All myths are true, for a given value of true."

"Stupid men are capable of things the clever would not dare contemplate."

"'That's blasphemy!'
'That's what people say when the voiceless speak.'"

"Whoever had created humanity had left in a major design flaw. It was its tendency to bend at the knees."

"CUIUS TESTICULOS HABES HABEAS CARDIA ET CERREBELLUM." [when you have them by the balls their hearts and minds will follow]

"Although the scythe isn't pre-eminent among the weapons of war, anyone who has been on the wrong end of, say, a peasant's revolt knows that in skilled hands it is fearsome."

"Sometimes it is better to light a flamethrower than curse the darkness."

"Education is like a sexual disease, it makes you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you have the urge to pass it on." -Pratchett


"I said a lot of stupid things when I was with the Conservative Party, and I left them, because I did not want to go on saying stupid things." - Winston Churchill

"Power which can be abused, will be abused." - Jim Warner, National Rifle Association - speaking against continued funding of public broadcasting - 1/19/95

"The penalty that good men pay for not being interested in politics is to be governed by men worse than themselves." - Plato

"He's suffering from Politicians' Logic. Something must be done, this is something, therefore we must do it." - Jonathan Lynn and Antony Jay, "Yes, Prime Minister"

"What right does Congress have to go around making laws just because they deem it necessary?" - Marion Barry

"Beware of bugs in the above code. I have only proved it correct, not tried it." -Donald Knuth

"A month in the laboratory can often save an hour in the library." - F. H. Westheimer

"A Consultant is a guy who knows 125 different ways to make love, but who doesn't know any women." - Mark Russell

"Each time you toss out a 'singing' greeting card, you are disposing of more computing power than existed in the entire world before 1950." - Paul Saffo

"A witty saying proves nothing." - Voltaire

"Gosh, math is hard!" - Barbie

"If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving a baby's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there are men on base." - Dave Barry

"Never let your schooling interfere with your education" - Mark Twain

"Fornicate and take drugs against the terrible strain of idiots who govern the world." - Albert Szent-Gyorgyi, Nobel Prize: Medicine and Physiology

"God made pot. Man made beer. Whom do you trust?" - The Irish Times

"Adventure is a sign of incompetence." - Vilhjalmar Stefansson.

"Life is a disease, sexually transmitted and fatal." - Neil Gaiman

posted by Rachel 10/16/2006
. . .
What's wrong with:

North Korea, China, Cuba, Iran, the USSR, the Amish, Hillsdale Colorado, the Oneida Community, The Catholic Church, Jonestown, David Koresh, Heaven's Gate, Scientology & cults as opposed to religions:

Excessive self-reliance/ Xenophobia/ Claims of Divine-Heritage/ Personal Revelation/ Manifest Destiny/ Slave-Labor

Stringently enforced rigid group-norms
Presumption of personal knowledge of Divine-Will/ Omniscient Central Authority/ Ruler-ship/ Owner-ship.

You don't have to pay for religion.
Religion shouldn't invade the private-boundaries of the bedroom, or the preferences of the table.
Religion should respect free will.
Religion cannot form the letter of the Law.

posted by Rachel 10/16/2006
. . .
On the
objectification of women and the patholigisation of men:

Difference between fashion models and pinup models? Both objects, as perhaps rightly the job of a model. One serves as a vague sort of clothes hanger. The other serves as a vague sort of secondary-sex-characteristics hanger.

Men's penises are almost literally secondary-sex-characteristics barometers. If they're (hungry) they get hard when they see visual stimulus. If they're (sated) or otherwise-occupied they won't. Men get hard throughout the day. We are all constantly surrounded by awkwardly/cleverly-hidden erections, all day every day. Women work harder for inconsistent orgasms. Everyone is naked under their clothes. Undressing someone with your eyes. Leering, Ogling...

Most men like their women fatter than the women aspire to be, and thinner than their wives or girlfriends are. The grass is always greener but... Men have healthy female-body-image. They have to, in order get it up.

[women: high-heels, corsets, breast implants, brazilian waxing & Playboy]

Women compete with each other for men, & so pluck, wax, shave, paint, bleach, & otherwise worry-at themselves. {Cast off & assume the shackles of beauty at will/ with trends.} [hair color, hair-length, hairstyle, in-colors, hemlines, cleavage, stripes, dots, prints, plaids, paisley, et al]

The extent to which breeding, and the hormonal inducements thereto, influence our behavior is truly amazing. Every couple that's attempted to practice natural family planning has bemoaned the fact that when she most wants it (ovulating,) she can't have it. Thus, most couples who elect to practice 'coitus-interruptus' or 'abstinence,' are also called 'parents'.

What's even more amazing is that many of the specific mechanics of the human sex act are designed to eliminate competitor sperm. The duration of thrusting, (as opposed to most animals,) and the physical shape of the anatomy, are designed to 'plunge' other stuff out. The volume and density of ejaculate increases after time spent apart. It's an entirely nonvoluntary attempt to mark territory. The ejaculate also contains killer sperm, (like killer T-cells,) whose sole function it is to eliminate competition.

On another hormonal note, it's common for hormonal birth control to smother a woman's libido after 2-3 years of use. It's also common for the libido to go mostly dormant for up to 2 years after giving birth. Those hormones...

Breastfeeding has contraceptive effects for similar reasons, it's time to take a break from baby-makin'. If you suspect that might be happening to you, switch formulas or try rubbers for 6 months, see what happens.

It's shocking to me how many terribly damaging things we still say to and expect of boys. Few people would tell a little girl today that she should only be sugar and spice and everything nice. Yet I still see and hear such sexist awful things being taught to boys and said of men. Boys don't cry or Men don't whatever. We've finally started teaching our little girls to be people, and we're still stuck teaching little boys to be stunted and afraid of themselves.

I think that this is a lovely place to live. Good brain food.

posted by Rachel 10/16/2006
. . .
Language itself is a relational-database.
All Language is a Programming Language.
[See: Noam Chomsky and Sleight-of-brain]
Language is Culture.
[See: France & McDonalds]
Vocabulary is Power.
"The Pen is Mightier than The Sword."

posted by Rachel 10/16/2006
. . .
On Gay Priests and Child-Molesters:

Who works hardest/ 'most-obsessively' at: being-straight/ "liking-chicks?"
Who tends to have: mommy/ 'unconditional-love-and-acceptance' issues?
Who accuses every woman who rejects them, of being: "frigid"/ disapproving/ "a lesbian?"

...Gay men.

Mothers don't turn their sons gay. But gay sons don't have Oedipus conflicts, by definition. So the sex-family inbreeding-taboo/ healthy-boundary, gets established in other ways.

That's why child-molesters tend to gravitate towards positions of 'loco-parentis' or 'authority.' They never resolved the 'no one will ever love me like mommy,' issue in childhood, and never learned to relate in a healthy sexual-manner to adults. Dur.

[see also:
Freud, Kinsey & White Rabbit Phobia]

posted by Rachel 10/16/2006
. . .
Step back far enough, spot the big-picture, and
bust a gut with hysterical laughter & tears.

Minstrelsy and Southern Rap:

Fried chicken
"And here I thought I liked it 'cause it was delicious. Turns out, I'm genetically-predisposed to liking-fried-chicken." -Chappelle

Chain Hang Low
"Zip Coon"

posted by Rachel 10/16/2006
. . .
"When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro."
- Hunter S Thompson
[see also: Archimedes]

posted by Rachel 10/16/2006
. . .

. . .


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