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"Chuck Norris doesn't read books; he stares them down until he gets the information he wants out of them."
- ChuckNorrisFactsdotcom

Thursday, November 02, 2006
Noui consilia et ueteres quaecumque monetis amici,
"pone seram, cohibe".
sed quis custodiet ipsos custodes
cauta est et ab illis incipit uxor

"I hear always the admonishment of my friends:
'Bolt her in, and constrain her!'
who will watch the watchmen?
The wife arranges accordingly, and begins with them."
- Juvenal

The quote is about 50 times funnier when you get the context. Now recall those "I learned it by watching you" anti-drug ads. Consider the motivation behind Burqas and the primitive tribal treatment of women as breeding chattel. Now consider the problem of illegal immigration and the war on drugs. Now consider the reasoning behind attractive nuisance laws.

posted by Rachel 11/02/2006
. . .
"I am loth to close. We are not enemies, but friends. We must not be enemies. Though passion may have strained, it must not break our bonds of affection. The mystic chords of memory, stretching from every battle-field, and patriot grave, to every living heart and hearthstone, all over this broad land, will yet swell the chorus of the Union, when again touched, as surely they will be, by the better angels of our nature."
- Abraham Lincoln

"With Malice toward none, with charity for all, with firmness in the right, as God gives us to see the right, let us strive on to finish the work we are in, to bind up the nation's wounds."
- Abraham Lincoln

"For of those to whom much is given, much is required."
Luke 12:48

"There are risks and costs to a program of action, but they are far less than the long-range risks and costs of comfortable inaction."

"Dante once said that the hottest places in hell are reserved for those who in a period of moral crisis maintain their neutrality."

"Things do not happen. Things are made to happen."

"Let us never negotiate out of fear. But let us never fear to negotiate."

"The problems of the world cannot possibly be solved by skeptics or cynics whose horizons are limited by the obvious realities. We need men who can dream of things that never were."

"Do not pray for easy lives. Pray to be stronger men."

"Let every nation know, whether it wishes us well or ill, we shall pay any price, bear any burden, meet any hardship, support any friend, oppose any foe, to assure the survival and success of liberty."

"I am easily satisfied with the very best."
- Winston Churchill

"Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen."
- Winston Churchill

"There are a terrible lot of lies going about the world, and the worst of it is that half of them are true."
- Winston Churchill

"Never give in, never give in, never; never; never; never - in nothing, great or small, large or petty - never give in except to convictions of honor and good sense."
- Winston Churchill

"Courage is going from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm."
- Winston Churchill

"The price of greatness is responsibility."
- Winston Churchill

"History will be kind to me for I intend to write it."
- Winston Churchill

posted by Rachel 11/02/2006
. . .
Uh huh. And OJ denied that he killed his wife. He even paid Johnnie Cochran to deliver an acquittal. He's still searching for the real killer, out on the golf course.

By their fruits ye shall know them. The best predictor of future behavior is prior behavior. Although circumstantial evidence is often all you have to base your decisions on. There is an art to interpreting anything. False positives happen nearly as often as false negatives. This is the principle underlying redundancy and second opinions. Or, fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me.

I am an abstract reasoning, lateral thinking, tool using monkey. And I am sooo Parker and Stone's bitch. Go God. Go!

On Darwin:
"In the beginning we were all fish, ok? Swimming around in the water, and then one day a couple of fish had a retard baby, and the retard was different, so it got to live. So retard fish goes on to make more retard babies. And then one day a retard baby fish crawled out of the ocean with its mutant fish hands, and it had butt sex with a squirrel or something and made this: a retard frog squirrel. And then that had a retard baby who was a monkey fish frog. And then this monkey fish frog had butt sex with that monkey. And that monkey had a mutant retard baby that screwed another monkey. And that made you.

So there you go. You're the retarded offspring of five monkeys having butt sex with a fish squirrel. Congratulations."
On Atheism:
Richard Dawkins: "If only you were an atheist."
Ms. Garrison: "Well, y'know I'm open to stuff."
Richard Dawkins: "Why has someone as outspoken as you given themselves over to the whole God thing?"
Ms. Garrison: "Oh I'm not, I'm not totally into the whole God thing. I just, I just think y'know you can't disprove God."
Richard Dawkins: "Well what if I told you there was a flying spaghetti monster? Would you believe it just because it can't be disproven?"
Ms. Garrison: "You're right! It's so simple. God is a spaghetti monster. Oh thank you! Jeeze, my eyes are open. Hey everyone, I'm an atheist!"
Richard Dawkins: "Really? Oh that's wonderful!"
Ms. Garrison: "No, I totally get it now. Evolution explains everything. There's no great mystery to life, just evolution, and God's a spaghetti monster. Thank you Richard!"
Richard Dawkins: "You're so welcome."
Ms. Garrison: "Would you like to head over to my place for dessert?"
On Intelligent Design:
Richard Dawkins: "So evolution doesn't even happen by chance. It is in fact, bound to happen."
Ms. Garrison: "That's right kids, and so you see, there is no God."
Dawkins: "Careful darling, the school board doesn't like it when we-"
Stan: "Well, there could still be a God."
Ms. Garrison: "What?"
Stan: "Couldn't evolution be the answer to how and not the answer to why?"
Ms. Garrison: "Uh oh! Retard Alert! Retard alert class! Do you believe in a flying spaghetti monster too, you bubblehead?"
Stan: "I wasn't talking about spahetti-"
Ms. Garrison: "Come on you. You're gonna have to sit in the dunce chair."
[Dunce hat reads: 'I have faith'.]
"This is the dawning of the sea otter! Know this time-child; I shall smash your skull like a clam on my tummy!"

posted by Rachel 11/02/2006
. . .
Mmmm. You may call it
shadenfreude. I call it the pleasing objective observation of the principle of karma in action.

"If we shadows have offended, think but this; and all is mended that you have but slumbered here while these visions did appear and this weak and idle theme no more yielding but a dream. Gentles--do not reprehend if you pardon, we will mend. And, as I am an honest Puck if we have unearned luck. Now to scape the serpents tongue. We will make amends ere long else the Puck a liar call. So--goodnight unto you all. Give me your hands if we be friends. And Robin shall restore amends."

posted by Rachel 11/02/2006
. . .
We are amused.
What American accent do you have?
Your Result: The Inland North

You may think you speak "Standard English straight out of the dictionary" but when you step away from the Great Lakes you get asked annoying questions like "Are you from Wisconsin?" or "Are you from Chicago?" Chances are you call carbonated drinks "pop."

The Northeast
The Midland
The South
The West
North Central
What American accent do you have?
Take More Quizzes

posted by Rachel 11/02/2006
. . .
No way.

posted by Rachel 11/02/2006
. . .

. . .


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